It was while talking with my psychiatrist about a recent near fatal mishap that he laid this on me: “You have a death wish.” Well great!
Now there are two actions that I know of that may lead to some solution; one calls for several years with my shrink, the other calls for using invisible tools and taking maybe several weeks. I like choice number two.
Choice number two calls for power. Power to see clearly, to make connections that lead to discovery. Power to find the root. One’s got to call on the power of prayer. A paper, a pencil, a quiet room, and a prayer that goes something like this: “God help me with your light.”amen.
A moment of silence, a bit of meditation, then placing pen or pencil to paper. Maybe nothing comes. Oh well, try again later. Or… Maybe something comes to mind and the light begins to shine. Connections begin to be made. The gift of clarity. The Gift.
Now I have no idea what your gift will look like. Mine looked like this:
A four year old boy falling on a driveway era 1952 or so. Lots of black eyes, lots of bruises, lots of attention from a family that seldom cared. “Oh my God, there’s the link!” Trauma brings attention, and attention means love. No love? Self-pity. Self driven fear of losing love or never getting love at all. That holds the root.
The root is fear. Fear can be conquered. Anxiety can be thwarted by the calm that comes from the power of prayer and meditation. Or anxiety may be reduced by confessional sharing with trusted spiritual advisors, or trusted professional counselors of one sort or another.
Fear lifted, behavior changed. No more wrecks for me.